I wanted to give a look at my 2024 from an angle unseen by most people, for people that may be dealing with similar things in their life. In 2022 I had a major manic episode and started on medication for bp1, this kept my screws on tight until January 2024, when the medicine didn't prevent psychosis. What started out as false memories gradually turned into audible/visual hallucinations that lasted 6 months out of the year. I was talking to people that weren't there, having lengthy back/forth conversations with fictionalized versions of real people I know and didn't know. An entire 50 year lifespan filling my thoughts and emotions with flashbacks to both amazing and horrible memories. It was a constant series of deja vu feelings and everything connecting together in the theater of my insane mind. Different articles of media wrapping up a solipsistic psychosis where anything I've read or seen came together in this tapestry.

The most prominent premise was a Truman Show delusion in which I thought my life was being broadcast for entertainment and I grew extremely paranoid about my computer/phone. It felt terrifying being in my apartment since I thought it was bugged, then I went home to my parents house to get away from "surveillance", but the delusion grew to the point where I thought my family was in on it and that they were trying to get brand deals by offering me different stuff to eat/drink. I started scribbling on the logos of boxes/containers thinking cameras were everywhere waiting for me to use a product, and watching TV for messages/information being sent to me. I thought the news was all fabricated but for some reason talk shows contained all the hints and riddles I needed to break out. The movie Drive-Away Dolls was being advertised and I almost thought about going on some mad-dash across the country to outrun whatever treadmill I was on, but thankfully I didn't go on that expedition.

Eventually I just got used to the paranoid delusions; they didn't go away but I've learned radical acceptance in different areas of my life, so I said fuckit I'll live in this reality TV hellscape with no privacy. Whatever situation I was in had no exit, and I figured I would surrender to win. I thought the hospital would be a safe point or at least be close to "the edge" and I could surf to shore that way; unfortunately I couldn't get admitted the first time I went, and so I went back home.

Things only escalated in May when I got flooded with false memories from 2022, adding to the backstory of how this "truman show" started. Along with these memories, I started hearing voices and experiencing deja-vu throughout the day; the deja vu turned into a narrative where I had superpowers and could broadcast my thoughts unwillingly. It felt like my mind was linked to my past brain and I could have conversations with people in the past from the present moment. Dr Manhattan type shit, minus blowing people up and being an uncaring douche. This quickly took over my life and it felt like every action/thought was predetermined, and my thoughts were like a current or stream that people could tap into. Memories were playing out like tapes and I just had to wait for them to finish, there were amazing and terrible images that felt as real as anything I had actually experienced.

I talked to my sponsor and psychiatrist about everything and they advised me to go back to the hospital, and thankfully this advice felt like a solution rather than a trap or anything malicious. I also switched from risperidone to loxapine, but unfortunately my condition resisted the medication and I thought it proved this wasn't all in my head. The hospital trip was unsuccessful, and I was back out again with my thoughts were still running wild.

The next cage I was trapped in involved Mars, interdimensional travel, and being the first inmate of a prison planet that used to be earth. I started documenting my different delusions and ideas down in journals, and I'm attaching some of these in here. There's a little tongue-in-cheekness with the food stains, but also just embarrassing trails of information strung together in my head.

This is what I took to the hospital to explain my "superhuman" condition.

Some of these are just about shit at the hospital, notes about coffee and how the drugs were affecting me

There's dozens of pages like this but I have a cap of 10 images for this blogpost.

Eventually the voices got so intense that I had to seek help again, and my psychiatrist recommended Clozapine and going back to grippy-sock jail. By the grace of god I was finally sane again and back on planet earth, able to distinguish real/fake memories and have a quiet mind.

If I could compare this psychosis to my manic episode, I'd say this was more lucid and less destructive thankfully, whereas the mania was like being in the passenger seat of a car driven by a madman. This whole circus ran from about January to August; longer than my mania but less destructive. The voices and visual hallucinations were amicable for the most part; I've heard from other people that have it a lot worse and more antagonistic. Nonetheless I took a toll on my family, harassed people that no longer wanted anything to do with me, and lost my apartment. I hope this finds someone out there going through similar shit, it's a lot lonelier when you think you're the only one who has a dysfunctional mind. You never know what people are going through and maybe this helps de-stigmatize mental illnesses for people that have only seen how media/news portrays bipolar/psychosis/schizophrenia/etc.

Now I know the warning signs for both conditions and can get ahead of them before things spiral out of control. I held a healthy amount of skepticism throughout this but the brain is extremely good at convincing you of whatever reality it sees fit. Nothing in particular triggered this, but now I have even more tools to navigate and escape the labyrinth.

Here's to 2025 being an awesome year where I can get more stuff done!!

lol look at this fulppic

HEY

There's a new @adultswim music video animated by Studio Yotta that I got to work on!!!

The video features the characters from the show Rick & Morty with RTJ's "Oh Mama".

As some folks know, Studio Yotta had it's roots on the site and this project specifically features a lot of artists from here that worked on it, which is AWESOME! They've grown quite a lot since their beginnings and are always doing more and more cool projects for higher clientele and it's amazing to be involved/witness their growth, I'm really psyched for their future! Follow them on Twitter to get updates on all the cool stuff they're doing!

This was one of their projects I was especially excited to work on, I'm always happy to work with ALL the immensely talented people in Yotta and to be able to work on a property that i'm also a fan of is really thrilling. I was lucky enough to animate and clean a few of these shots below, you should check their twitter to see all the more amazing shots that people worked on!

Animation

Animation and I THINK Cleanup (Don't hold me to that)

Animation/Effects

Animation/Cleanup (Not the portal)

Animation/Effects

Cleanup/ Animation by @AtroxChobatsu

Cleanup/ Animation by @SandraDRivas

Overrall a really bitchin' experience, everyone worked super hard and brought their best foot forward to create a spectacular product and I'm lucky to be involved!

There's more exciting stuff in the works(freelance and otherwise) and I'll try to update posts for every one of 'em!

PHILLY MEETUP

First week of March on Saturday, there'll be an evening of fun down in Philly with things kicking off at 6pm with some bowling at the Revolutions Bowling Alley! This event is open to community members and any artists that would like to be apart of it!

Revolutions is this huge warehouse that's been converted into a 26 lane bowling alley with a bar, restaurant, and a few games as well. The rates for bowling are $7.95 per game and or about $7/person for a full hour with up to 6 people at a lane, and shoe rentals are $3.95. You can find more info on their site with a 360 walkaround of the place, Revolutions Site.

Following that, the night leads over to the Barcade down the street, only a five minute walk from the alley! Barcade features a variety of retro arcade cabinets and a fully stocked bar with food available as well. The bar is 21+ but for those under the drinking age, the bowling alley remains open til 2AM which matches the closing time of the bar. Albeit not retro, the bowling alley hosts a nice selection games as well!

Since our theater screening that PhantomArcade hosted in October, we've thought more about semi regular meet ups and events that can draw in a decent crowd that fills the night with a fun, memorable atmosphere. This is sure to be another wonderful time much like that one, and I hope to see some familiar and new faces showing up. You can expect myself and some of the locals to be there!

We'll also be selling exclusive store merch at the event, so if you're interested in picking something up let us know ahead through PM's and we can arrange to bring your purchased items there!

List of merchandise : https://phantomarcade.newgrounds.com/news/post/1004509

Even if you haven't been to a meet up before or don't know many people in the community, join us on this terrific night and introduce yourself! So if you're thinking about heading out here, then share it in the forums and drum up the hype!

Directions from Revolutions to Barcade

Let's run an experiment, how many people are interested in poking around someone's sloppily crafted animation files?

The files are for my latest cartoon about old Simpsons... butterfinger commercials... 

I was gonna write up about why I did that cartoon but I think most folks got the absurdity of the drive behind it, which is the only laugh to be had (by me HAH). Turned out okay but don't expect me to be doing more of these kinds of cartoons, I've gotten my fill of classic animated commercials. Another cool one I really dig is the series of ads that Richard Williams did, this batman one is one of my favorites

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZmXK87tWlQ

This year is off to a good start and I've got cool freelance projects coming up that I'll be sure to talk about on here as they roll out, very happy with how things have been flowing work wise and I couldn't be more grateful for all the opportunities I feel undeserving of. How are all of you doing so far? Last year's journey and prospects for 2018, share it!

GUMROAD LINK:

Just put "0" in the price box and you can have it for free! 

https://t.co/vR3OmnFeBZ

God where do I start, I guess just explaining my love for all the elements a show like this had to offer in concept( not delivery). This was a fuckin show, about Superheroes that were Sushi, I LOOOOOOOVE me some superheroes and I LOOOOOOVE me some cool character designs.

I remember it aired on Saturdays on this network called DiC(hurhurhur) really early in the morning, so I kept missing it but I still saw the little promo commercials and I started building this idea of what it could be, or at least what they were selling it as. A team of seafood superheroes with cool powers that fought crime with, it looked AMAZINGLY awesome, and it's all I thought about as weekends came around. Before even seeing an episode I was hyped and would try getting up early enough to catch an episode, though I kept on missing it for several weekends until FINALLY I was up on time for it to air.

After watching an episode I felt my dreams and expectations totally shatter before my eyes, it turned out to be a really kid friendly show that taught young kids to be nice towards one another and the value of respect/honesty. Absolutely no fighting, no violence, no menacing villians, and NO ACTION. It was such a let down that I tried actively lying to myself that I liked it, but deep down it was nothing but a missed opportunity and I couldn't keep the ruse up for long.

I can't believe you come up with an idea like that and use it to teach lessons on morals, WTF are you thinking? How can you be so blind as to not see the opportunity at hand to make an iconic anime Inspired Action/Comedy cartoon with an IP like this?? It's like the golden egg laying goose that you decide to pluck and roast instead of getting the full mileage out of it. In my head I see SOO much potential in this, cause I think it's a really cool idea(PROBABLY the only person in the world) and instead it was executed as something it wasn't meant to be. Like sending a lion to go live a vegan lifestyle amongts zebras, it's just not right man. 

If there's anything I'd like a reboot of it's THIS show, put under the direction of people that understand the potential behind an idea like this. I could see this being like Teen Titans, 2003 TMNT cartoon or something IUNNO.

I know how ridiculous this all sounds, for such an obscure show that no one cares about or sees anything special in it, but a decade later I'm still just a disppointed kid that woke up on a saturday morning to his dreams shattered and 2 11-minute segments. I wonder if DiC still exists or know they care own this property( FAT CHANCE) but in some alternate earth that is on the good timeline, there exists the good incarnation of Sushi Pack.

LOL fuck that cartoon dude

Man the first bit of it was OK but the 4th shot dragged on WAY too long, maybe you wouldnt notice if the movement was livelier/timed better and there's other shit like the transitions in the second part being paced so poorly. 

I swear to god, when I first started this the idea made crack up so much but it wasn't just cause it was a dumb joke or nothin, there was some inside joke about it that made it funny specifically to me but it's been so long that it's lost on me, now not even I can laugh about, and I think that's what I despise about it. Really only finished it for closure but there's a missing bit about it that keeps it from being whole. 

AH WELL, "finished not perfect" y'know

Funny thing about this whole thing is, it took maybe like a month or so but that's one month spread out over 8 months. WHY?? Commission work was just keeping me busy among other things so I think that's to blame for my bitteness towards it. In the downtime though I would try different palettes for Casper(not sure if I intended to use any) and it kept my hope for it alive. Even thought about cramming it in for a fitting April Fools joke but then it'd only be relevent a day out of the year.

I don't know if it was meant to be a parody, a satire, a comedy or what anymore, it just simply exists, and that kinda bothers me. I put time and effort into making this thing that means nothing to me at all. I couldve been practicing art/animation, doing life drawings and anatomy studies but this was just a creation for the sake of creating, not a creation born of love or passion like some people make. But maybe thats why I made it, maybe it represents the chaos and utter meaningless of life and the universe itself, and expressionless creation, void of purpose. 

I think this may be the last cartoon I try doing for the web unless there's something I really feel passion to create or doing a small collab with friends. I had a nice chat a few days ago about internet animation and it really helped reming me of what my goals are, to hopefully suvive in the animation industry. So while stuff like this is nice, my time would be better spent on improving my skills and trying to stand out in the "dog eat dog" animation world, cuz I got a LOOOOOT of work to do before I'd be even considered for a professional job, artistic skills and work wise. 

There'll be other projects to look out for in the future if you're looking forward to anything new, and as far as the commission work goes, I'll probably only post about the things I don't think look like total trash.

But lemme hear about what YOU are up to

Alright later

I've never thought of News post as like entries, but it seems like the best format for dumping your thoughts and such, can't stand Facebook and Twitter is too limited. 

Once you reach a checkpoint in life like gradutating from high school, you have to look back on your experiences and reflect, then start planning for the future. I don't think school can help you do either of those, it's mandatory, repetitive, and isn't all that flexible for an individual student. Now i'm at a point where i've got to plan my path which is a really high stakes game that you have to make the rules for. It's even more difficult when you're unsure of your goals; I know that I want to do animation for a living, but I don't know where I want it to take me, what will I be doing with that, is it a studio job, freelance or a game, idk. I'm not even sure which I prefer or which are available, it's also really easy to be a dreamer and beleive everything will work out. I decided I wanted to do animation as a job and put all my focus into that a while back, but I know other people my age that don't have faith in careers in art, so I wonder if maybe i'm not being realistic or if i've just been building myself up about this and paying too much attention to the success stories and glorifying the lives of online artists. The direction is animation but the path isn't clear and neither is the endgoal, where the hell is this gonna bring me? Maybe I should just make it up as I go along, but that could just leave me stagnant and unmotivated. It might be too early to be thinking about this, but it's unsettling to not know what you'll be doing in a week, a month, or a year, or what you even want to be doing by then.

I'm usually against posts like these since I don't like how they come off, but it's up to you to interpret this as whatever you like.

Quickly threw together a demo reel, also i'm gonna be at Pico Day this year. I was just in a collab that you should check out. Demo Reel: http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/674366   Pico Day Collab: http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/674308

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