woah, that must've been intense, happy you're all good now.
I live in a shack, I poop in an outhouse, I eat what I kill.
Ivan
@IvanAlmighty
Age 26, Male
Freelance Animator
slept 4 years in a classroom
Philadelphia, PA
Joined on 6/20/14
- Rank:
- Town Watch
- Global Rank:
- 62,506
- Blams:
- 7
- Saves:
- 114
- B/P Bonus:
- 2%
- Whistle:
- Normal
- Trophies:
- 54
- Medals:
- 166
- Supporter:
- 10y 2m 8d
Comments
this was an interesting read. Thank you for sharing Ivan.
Happy 2025 Ivan! Hope its nothing but wonderful for you!
I'm very thankful for our friendship and happy as a pug you were blessed with a wonderful support system of friends and family!
Things like this unfortunately happen out of no-where and it is tough/scary to share about it & talk about it, but i think there's certainly room to shed light on the topic to de-stigmatize how isolating and lonely it can feel. Anyone who experiences this can ideally find a path where they can feel safe and okay, insight like this may be a good way to helping that change happen.
So great to know you are feeling better brother, come out the other end through this feeling stronger and more aware of yourself from it. And i hope things only continue to feel better and look up for you!
Love ya man, hope to hang again soon! ~ :)
I can’t imagine how hard that was for you. My best wishes and lots of love going forward Ivan. 🙌
Wow, what a biggest experience.
A real testament of skill that even in your state, you just had to make your crazy book aesthetically pleasing lol. Wasn't aware of what you were going thru but after reading all this ii's a real relief to see you doing better. Do take care of yourself.
You're strong as hell dude, I'm glad you're in a better place now and hope this next year will be full of more growth and another great one for you!!! love you <3
This is almost a 1:1 that happened to my brother.
Seems like 24 is the age where bi-polar disorder seems to develop, and boy howdy were the mania episodes trippy to witness unfolding before we knew exactly what was going on.
We figured going insane had to be brought on by some great trauma or goings days and days without sleep or something careless. We didn't know that bipolar disorders just sort of showed up.
The idea that you're a passenger while a madman is behind the helm is definitely how he describes the mania, and the fact that two manic minds thought they were the only one who's real or the center of literally everything and yet also a prisoner on Earth is a very strange coincidence.
Though me and my brother have a theory.
While sane, your brain establishes clear barriers or warnings on each thought or idea that we see in conspiracy videos or clearly wrong talk show host opinions...but then once you're manic the warning labels on those thoughts have been reversed, and are instead the only sane ideas.
So when he was manic, he thought that every single occult/clandestine organization was the same thing, and he was a bio-weapon made to drive the world insane with his manic musings, of which were being documented and broadcasted by the nurses.
The funny part is that in these delusions, he believed that me and my Dad were immune to the insanity causing effects of his ideas because we were super elite members of the CIA trained to be resistant to subliminal attacks. :P
So, once they found the medication that worked, my brother thankfully slowly turned back to normal and became his regular self again. Gradually he sorted through the false memories and was soon able to laugh it all away with me as I helped him pick up the pieces.
So a few years later now and while he's still on medical disability, he's in a much better place mentally and has reached out to friends that had witnessed his vocal outbursts.
His brain has regained more focus and processing power each year, and if he can completely regain his ability to drive for hours on end without losing concentration, then I imagine he'll get his job as a taxi driver again and be right where he left off.
Nothing he did hurt anyone, and it was just neglecting his basic needs or blurting out insane stuff until he'd get help when he relapsed a couple times when the medicine couldn't take hold, just like you.
I'll tell you the same thing I told/tell him:
Do your best to make peace with what happened, but recognize that you weren't in your right mind. Let people know that you've gotten help, and apologize for what you said if you feel it's appropriate.
Some of my brother's friends definitely knew something wasn't right and reached out to my family to find out what was happening, and others were more concerned and waited to reach out until later. My sister and I reached out to quite a few to clear the air a bit, and they were happy to hear he was getting help.
In time, things should return to how they were.
Just be gentle with yourself, and give your family a hug for helping out during a tricky time.
Wasn't easy for my family, but we pulled through. :)
Best wishes!
Thank you for sharing this! I'm really glad to hear your family was able to get him back to sanity and put his life back together. There's definitely a reset and reconciliation with the events as they happened and it takes strong support networks for this to be possible. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for my incredible family and friends.
That theory is interesting, all those little ideas permeate the membrane and fit together like jigsaw pieces; so many things got taken out of context and turned into a conspiracy web, with the bubble of influence growing from my friends then family to the world at large.
I'm glad to hear about the processing power of his mind improving too, they say it takes a year and a half to two years to recover from a severe manic episode and I definitely felt things get better over time. I appreciate your words and thank you for taking the time to write this
Damn I hope you’re doing well 🙏
ILY brother <3
Holy shit Ivan, I never imagined you were living in such a hell, but I'm glad you were able to find solace, and grew from it. I only hope that medicine can continue to improve so you don't have to live with that someday. Despite it, you're still one of my favorite NG animators, and probably plenty others too, even with this mental illness it never stopped you from improving. Keep at it man, there's a light at the end of the tunnel and it's not a train.
That was a fuckin insane read man. Keep fighting to hold that shit together.
you're an artistic genius and we need you around for a long time.. keep those diaries.
Understanding there's real people that care about you, and are there for you will be the tether between worlds so don't be afraid to reach out.
Wow!! Thank you for sharing your very detailed account of events—powerful story. Reading about your experiences gives me hope as I watch my own brother, who is in his early 40s, struggle with similar issues and to this day refuses to seek professional help. Your courage in facing these challenges is truly inspiring… for real
Wishing you continued strength and a peaceful 2025, bro!! 🦾🍕
I'm really proud of you for sharing your experiences publicly. The intent to make people with similar issues feel less alone out there is exactly why I also talk openly about my OCD in recent years, but you probably know that from our talk during the summer when I was moving states. Thanks for being here for me buddy <3
I hope your body and mind will not betray you like this in this new year!
Stay strong brother!
Did not knew that you are living hell.
I really hope meds will help <3
i’m glad to hear you’ve been doing better man, was probably tough as hell sharing this. wishing you a happy and peaceful 2025!!
Its really nice hearing that you're doing better, I know it couldn't have been easy to share all this. I really do think its better for everyone that people are more open about these kind of struggles! I've had stints with paranoid episodes and it can be so isolating, I can relate to the loneliness that comes with thinking you're the only one with a dysfunctional mind.
Stay strong man, Cheers to 2025 and the future ahead!
Sorry to hear that you've been going through something so horrible. I never had an inkling that you were struggling with something like this when we talked. I am very happy to hear that you are doing better.
Here is to a better 2025.
Luis
I think it’s cool that you were able to share it. The stigma will never fade if everyone bottles it in. Gld you’re doing better dude